Shortly Before I Sleep

So things have been horribly hectic since the last time I've written on here.  So many mistakes have been made and so many things I wish I never let happen.  Live and learn.  Without mistakes where would  I be? All one can do is grow stronger with every mistake and regret.  In a way we're all pawns in eachothers games, we use eachother to learn.  To build the person we become, or desire to become.  I however am getting back the the overly happy person I once was.  Despite all of the negative news that keeps piling up.  I just have to shove it all in the corner in the meantime and deal with it when I find that it's suitable.  Life's too damn short to worry so much, too short to be pissed off; too short to give a fuck about the meaningless drama that is the world these days.  No matter where you go there will be drama.  No matter what you do it's alweays going to be there.  You just need to be the bigger person and shrug it off becaus its nothing.  Not unless you let it become something.  Then your fuct.  Anyway that's all besides the point here. I can't help but get distracted with so many things on my mind.  It's the a.d.d kicking in I guess. now onto the thing I started this fucking blog for.  The good in my life, as little as there is.  The new house is great and my roomates rock socks.  I have what seems to be the most amazing man in my life.  And for once I can say that with confidence.  Someone I've wondered about for what seems like forever now.  One of the few people that I did things right with from the start.  A friendship that then progressed into the relationship that is.  A person I've spent about a month or so with just about every day, and I'm not the least bit tired of him.  I accually miss him when we have out few hours apart.  How wierd is that? Yeah I'm still trying to figure it out too.  The oblivious thing kinda screwed me up a lil bit in the beginning of it all.  More or less the fear that I may see things in a light that was never on.  Wishful thinking got me in trouble before and I was afraid that it was the case this time as well. So being straight forward does work.  Whoda thunk it? When I'm with him though things are just... indescribable.  The way he touches my skin leaves me with this comfort I've never felt before in my life.  I feel so right with him.  Idk I feel a lil psycho talking like this seeing as how it's all early in the relationship and everything.  But at the same time I'm done sheltering myself from my feelings for once.  I don't need to do that with him.  He's not like the rest, and at the same time he's like a combination of all the great things in people I've been with.  Still waiting for a negative here.  I feel like I'll be waiting forever for it too.  Such a sense of comfort in his grace.  He's not out to hurt me like so many were.  He doesn't even have to say it either, it's one of those unspoken things.  I know I've done a lot of shitty things in my past relationships, I think everyone and their mom knows all of that mess.  But with him it's so much different.  I have zero intention to harm him in any way aside of with the "beating" pillow<lol>. Anticipating the arrival of my baby, the more I write the more I long to see him.  I have no idea what's come over me this past month or so.  I feel so whole again, so much like me and i have so many people to thank for that.  Him included, as well as Laura and Dee.  If it weren't for all of them right now I'm not sure where I'd be.  I say that so much, I know.  I wouldn't be me again though without all thats gone on recently. Thoughts in my head clouding, there's too many to begin to cover this blank space before my eyes.  I haven't written in so long, though I don't write much when I'm genuinely happy.  I've noticed this.  I write so much more, in such detail when I'm hurt emotionaly. Granted there's a lot that I should hurt from, but none of it matters anymore.  I'm too happy to think negetivly.  Something that will take getting used to once more I suppose.  In due time my friends, in due time.

NoVeMbEr 15Th

It was five years ago today,

That a little girl threw her life away,

For a love that could never last,

And a love that’s now in her past.

I wish things were as they used to be,

But like always it got blamed on me,

Still consumed by the pain of deceit,

When he was pure his kiss was so very sweet.

His voice now brings on the most immense pain,

Left with nothing from him for me to gain,

You can see the shame in these green eyes,

And feel the pain from the years of lies.

The truth has finally become clear,

His feeling for me were minimal and mere,

As many are though I was blind,

Wishing true love I will one day find.

A man that wont hurt such a fragile girl,

Leaving my heart feeling as though it’s in a whirl,

One day to find the man of my dreams,

As ridiculous as it all seems.

Too many words have been thrown around,

And by such words I felt bound,

Never again will I get in too deep,

Because loves a hill that’s far too steep.

My heart can not take another fall,

For I need to again stand tall,

Nothing to again tear me down,

And for no one to again make me drown.

alllll drunk with it

The way it once was

Sick Bitches Should NOT Try To Play Pool